Passion and Vanity

All Lyrics/Themes

The album I worked on, off and on, from December 2011 through December 2018 understandably has some deep meanings behind it even though most of it may have been intentionally garbled in the process of making it more “artistic.” here are some notes to explain everything for anyone who ever cares.

(What is this all about? Click here)

Warning: all text

not recommended unless you are a superfan and/or stalker

Overall:

The album explores various contradictions and paradoxes that appear in daily life. The examples often take the form of common sayings, platitudes, and standard conventional wisdom or advice that is casually thrown around without realizing that it may be completely contradictory to some other very common advice.

As a simple example, for demonstration only, it is often thrown around to “learn from your mistakes” and “never forget” and related phrases, even at the same time as it is conventional wisdom to “move on” and “stop living in the past” and so forth. In this relatively straightforward example, neither of those two “sides” is very much of a problem on its own, since they are just helpful phrases to explain a position. But it becomes a problem when they are used as though those sayings themselves are authoritative pieces of wisdom, because then we just follow them aimlessly instead of making the judgement which one to invoke. In that example, everyone knows it is key to find the balance between them, or know why they are invoking each phrase when they do, but for whatever reason, that part usually gets skipped. It is usually more convenient to use one as a punchline or to make a point than it is to think critically about how we all got here.

“Passion and vanity” as two words demonstrates the perfect example of contradictions that show up all over the lyrics: the two words are usually described in context as though passion is good (“be passionate about what you love!!”) and vanity is bad (“no one cares about your vanity project!” “do something with your life!!”), but through closer analysis, they are just different ways of looking at the same thing. It also refers half-jokingly to my own process obsessing over the music for so long when it didn’t even exist yet. “Am I making this because I am passionate about it, or because of vanity causing me to think it is good?” It poses the question to the listener, “what’s the difference?” This theme ended up appearing indirectly in the background of some of the songs. It also serves to bring up a funny contrast between a light/silly band name with an over-the-top, deep, self-embellishing album title.

What is vanity if not the will to make oneself truly better?

The word passion has its origins in the meaning of suffering, of being a slave to uncontrollable external forces. Over time, the negative implication of this helplessness has faded away, to the point where it is admired to be passionate about what you do. But to be passionate about what you do still means to be compelled by an external driving force pushing you, telling you that it is what you were meant to do. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing, such as for example if we apply this to the passion of love. A built-in feature of love is the lack of reason or rationality, and ultimately that it why it is so great and powerful. But to throw the word ‘passion’ around in our daily lives to describe a positive feeling is dangerous because it encourages us to be submissive to our impulses and to our vices (whether those are short-term or long-term feelings). Even when it leads us to do something we enjoy, it is ultimately passion itself that drives us, not reason.

Vanity: the desire to be better or the obsession with self-image?

“Make each second count” (will lead to some long-term regrets) vs. “No deathbed regrets” (will lead to some boring seconds along the way)
“We need to focus on the solution, not the problem” vs. “We need to get down to the root of the problem”
“Follow your dreams” (do what you love) vs. “You can be successful” (do something with your life)
“It’s about our bottom line” vs. “It’s not about us, it’s about the customer”
“Be the expert” vs. “Don’t make it about you”
“Seize the opportunity” vs. “Make them chase you”
“We need to be safe” vs. “It’s a free country”
“Trust only in yourself” vs. “You need to trust/get along with others”
“You are the master of your body” vs. “You too can look like this”
“Resist the mainstream” vs. “Unite in resistance”
“Love will overcome” vs. “Trust can never be rebuilt”
“I was destined for this” (good) vs. “I don’t have to accept this fate” (bad)
“Passion” (good) vs. “vanity” (bad)

If there were some lasting symbol of the album, it would just be a reminder to be aware of these struggles: not just the struggle between passion and vanity but also the struggle between us individually and the combined force of passion/vanity.

Ultimately, this is all just another brief howl in the wind, a series of melodies that are fully aware they cannot change the entire world at once. It all takes the form of honest advice towards strengthening one’s own mind, by not only teaching them to “not care what people think” but more broadly to navigate the waters of the constant paradoxes and platitude wars that we all live in so that we can be well-equipped to navigate every single situation, all of which are permeated by many paradoxes. Instead of freezing when they arise, we can have a plan, and that plan consists of bettering ourselves, of becoming warriors for ourselves and for others rather than for platitudes or philosophies. And this, depending on the viewer, will be perceived as either passion or vanity, but it does not matter which they think it is, because to us we know better, we do not try to solve every single problem life will throw at us, we only ask: what is the difference?

Fell in Love with the Cage

04/24/2014 – “Fell in Love with the Cage“

(had also considered “Just Run” and “What We Need”)

This first song presents the broader idea of entering a world that doesn’t make sense in one key way: it has been designed to allow a great deal of individual freedom, but it makes it very difficult to actually want to experience any of that freedom. In our “cage” (modern society, or whatever), everything makes sense and is provided for us when we stay in line like a standard consumer. Only when we leave the cage and exercise our rights to opt out of the system do we start running into trouble. This presents a lose-lose situation because we have to choose between less power and less opportunity.

No big conclusion is brought from this song, it just introduces the problem. If anything it may just be a bit of a challenge to the listener, “how much power or how much freedom do you really want?” It brings up the cynical answer to that question: one could argue that it may be best to stay in the cage and enjoy it, since we cannot really do anything with our remaining freedoms. But it also hints at the idea that the problem is much more systemic: “how can we play when the rules are gone?” in other words, maybe we don’t actually have the power or freedom that it seems.

I’m free to escape but afraid to move
Don’t know what to do with power
Confidence creeps in, madness too
Don’t know what to do with power

Somebody locked me in this cage
Why did they give me what I need?
Are they out to prove
That they’re in control
Or that I am content?
Some days I run away and see
This place isn’t made for those like me
I’m an animal
Looking for prey
In a desolate world

And still I search
And still keep running on back
It’s a paradox I can’t prove
But I like when I don’t have to move
When I’m master of what I know, what I see

Slowly fear sinking in
And still pressing onwards
For nothing else we ever knew
But to follow

And still it seems that we’ll never last

But how could we know if we never see?

And how can we play when the rules are gone?
Maybe we just need power
Maybe it’s really just a game?
Maybe we just need power

Somebody locked us in this cage
Why did they give us what we need?
Are they out to prove
That they’re in control
Or that we are content?
Some days we run away and see
This place isn’t made for those like us
We’re all animals
Looking for prey
In a desolate world

Downfall

09/28/17 – “Downfall”

This song explores the paradoxical idea that a few words can hold more power than years of relationship between people. It is a dramatized story of someone saying something to someone they are very close to – so close that they did not think to watch what they said before letting slip something extremely honest. Only the fact that they felt so close led them to be so honest; they said it unthinkingly, similar to how they might talk to themselves in their own head. But because they do not actually have the exact same mind, they cannot actually interpret or understand in exactly the same way, so it can still come across hurtful.

Take back every word I said
Take back every thought of mine
Words can be so quick to break
The trust we took so long to build
Thoughts can be so quick to end
The feeling, the vision, of us as one
But now undone

When everything burns, what do I still feel?
Am I just a vacant soul now gone?

I watched it fall
I watched with my own eyes, you cried
I wanted more than someone to blame
Well I’ll see in time

Exposed to you and to the world, I am
Escaped from the darkest corner of my mind
Just a single thought

Take back every word I said
And take back every thought of mine
Erase the depths from which they came
The hate, the lies
Extinguish the fire in my hands

I watched it fall
I watched with my own eyes, you cried
I wanted more than someone to blame
Well I’ll see in time
If I find myself again

Some say love will find a way
But what’s left of the path to walk?
What’s left of the heart to mend?
And what more can we ever learn
We don’t already know?
We’ve already felt?

Some say love will overcome
Some say trust can never be rebuilt
And I don’t know just who or what I can believe

I wanted more than secrets and lies
Well I’ll see in time

Killed the Nice Girl

07/02/17 – “Killed the Nice Girl”

This dramatizes a story of a one-time friend stealing an idea and claiming it as their own. It changed both of their lives pretty dramatically and is an extreme example of betrayed trust. I wrote it with the vision in mind not to seek revenge directly but to instead make it known that we all rely on others to succeed; eventually, one day, somehow, the tides will turn and they will be in the opposite position begging for help from the one they once betrayed. Beg as they may, they will just sit back and watch it all burn, and their fall will be even harder.

There was a plan inside my mind
Until you took it from me
Waking up an inner fire
Coursing through my soul

There was a point to all of this
Before the night had fallen
Vacant dreams have never felt so
Cold or far away

You take everything
I return the favor

Darkness takes its toll on my mind
Well before it’s lost
There’s only one thing left to try
To make this go away

Is there a silver lining still
To see the world so bitter
No more will I trust again
And no more can I fall

So don’t even think your feat can save you today

We’re all at fault, all destined to fail
Some sooner, some harder, which one will it be?

I never thought I’d see the day but now it’s come
It’s time for all to watch you fall, to watch you burn

Take your blame and throw it away
Make your fame then wither away
I hate to say but you killed the nice girl so long ago

We’ll see a day, when the embers fade, we’ll see,
With the ashes gone, what’s left

Clawing my way to the stage I made
The home I built, so far away
Got to believe there’s a better end
Oh we’ll see, we’ll see

Take your blame and throw it away
Make your fame then wither away
I hate to say but you killed the nice girl so long ago

You say what’s done is done and gone
Let’s put that to the test when the tide is turned
When the fire burns

We’re all at fault, all destined to fail
Some sooner, some harder, which one will it be?

The time has come to walk away now
It’s all burned to the ground
I’m never giving an inch to save you
Never looking back

Heaven of Hope

07/01/17 – “Heaven of Hope”

Even after checking all the boxes off of the list of things we feel we should be doing with our lives, we don’t always get the most satisfying result trying to step back and examine it critically. This song explores the feeling of emptiness we get even when we look forwards towards something positive. It might seem like a good idea to think to the future with a goal in mind, but it also makes it harder to enjoy anything else when you realize how long and hard the path is to get there. And once we do find what we are looking for or know for sure we are on the right path in a long-term sense, it will never be the paradise we imagine it to be. A constant feeling of emptiness appears any time we try to apply this general test of “is my life good enough right now?” Ultimately it will never pass that test if we phrase it that way, so oddly enough, it is actually not always a good thing to zoom out this far and think about life in the long-term sense if this emptiness/darkness/struggle is all that you find.

Running on an open road, I pray the right way
Got to get somewhere I know
I see the finish clear as day
But it’s hard to say it’ll ever show

Swimming into open sea, it’s so hard to say
That this is the right way to go
I see the finish clear as day
But it’s hard to say it’ll ever show

I know we’ve all said or thought this before
But lately it’s the only feeling I have:
This thought, this fear, that it’s all in vain

Maybe it's best not to open your eyes
I've found the road but it's dirty and dark
Why feed the mind such a heaven of hope
When all the eyes see is a wandering dream?

Winning and won can be decades apart
The loneliest fear a hollow victory
This soul of mine holds a heaven of hope
But tears it all down when it's shrouded in doubt

“Is my life good enough right now?” We always ask ourselves
Where exactly does that leave us?
We think it’ll help us try to improve somehow
Until all we see
Is what we’re not
What we want
Even when we can’t
Or never would be

And with exhaustion sinking into my soul
There’s only one thought left that makes me press on:
This feeling must end somewhere

Maybe it's best not to open your eyes
I've found the road but it's dirty and dark
Why feed the mind such a heaven of hope
When all the eyes see is a wandering dream?

Winning and won can be decades apart
The loneliest fear a hollow victory
This soul of mine holds a heaven of hope
But tears it all down when it's shrouded in doubt

I thought this feeling would end by now
I thought the road would turn
Do I turn away or press on?

Maybe it's best not to open your eyes
I've found the road but it's dirty and dark
Why feed the mind such a heaven of hope
When all the eyes see is a wandering dream?

Winning and won can be decades apart
The loneliest fear a hollow victory
This soul of mine holds a heaven of hope
But tears it all down when it's shrouded in doubt

Together Apart

Attempt 2 – “Together Apart”

Having a long-term or long-distance connection with someone despite being apart in every visible way. Even when not on speaking terms, there are people we feel some sort of connection with in a way that might not make sense in a regular social context.

Well now it seems that we’ll never be free from each other
Though we’ve been miles away for so long
Something tells me we weren’t made to be alone in this world
Hope within me brings the strength to press on and survive

I hear your whisper in the distance
I know we can cross this divide

And now when we finally thought it was over
No, we don't have to conform to the label
Maybe someday we will both say dreams can all come true
Maybe somewhere there's a place where there's no me and you

I hear your whisper in the distance
I know we can cross this divide

(I hear you, so far, I know we can)

I see now we don't have to fall in line
We don't have to be one single thing
We're together apart

The Fake

02/13/14 - "The Fake" (had also considered “The Human Machine” and “Fraud Exposed”

We all know that pretty much everything we do, even acts of selflessness, are usually done to benefit ourselves somehow. This song suggests that we can feel free to admit that and be honest with our intentions.

“Heart of steel” has a negative connotation (similar to “heart of stone”) because it suggests a complete lack of empathy and just being programmed to benefit ourselves only. It attempts to reclaim this on a positive note by suggesting that we are powerful and can use this metallic core instead of denying it. The only catch, of course, is it only works if we are all honest together, because otherwise it will just be one person on the side saying “okay, I really don’t care about any of you,” and then it looks bad. We all think it, we just never say it. It also mostly-jokingly uses this as a way of admitting that I started out making a band based around iron, then I spent years in school learning how to add carbon to iron, and so now in my career I work with steel.

I tried to find some way to care about you
I tried so hard to be genuine too
Why do we waste all our lives
Acting like it's more than show?
I tried so hard to make a plan but spent too long on how it'd look

Tried so hard to care
Tried to make it true
Looking everywhere
I cannot count the lies to you
Why do we even try?

Now that I know
All will be exposed
Listen here, I take back everything I said
Listen here, I don't mean anything I said to you

I'm not real
I can't feel - I'm just a simple heart of steel
In a shell disguised as flesh
I'm a fake
And you are too - we don't have to take the blame
When someone sees right through our skin

How could we just let it slide
Knowing full well it's a lie?
I don't know why I'm so afraid but it's so hard to tell the truth

Everyone is fake
Everywhere exposed
Got a choice to make
Do we admit the case is closed?

I'm not real
I can't feel - I'm just a simple heart of steel
In a shell disguised as flesh
I'm a fake
And you are too - we don't have to take the blame
When someone sees right through our skin

Look back to every virtue
There's never more than a selfish motive

If you could see the world as I see
Well then you'd know
Why I had to lie to your face
Why I had to take it away

Well we've both gone much too far now
It's time to let go

Now it's time, forgive and forget
Now it's time to grow
Now it's time to make amends
Now it's time to say the truth

Even when we've both gone so far
As to confess it's all true

An act as a simple as a gesture of faith
A calculated move in the human machine

I'm not real
I can't feel - I'm just a simple heart of steel
In a shell disguised as flesh
I'm a fake
And you are too - we don't have to take the blame
When someone sees right through our skin
Right through our lies

What is it to be real? Musicians that cannot perform live are often seen as inferior to those that sound exactly the same in concert. But artists are also seen as fake if they sell out by making more marketable music. The idea of the song is to play on both extremes by acknowledging that I am neither: I am not designed to perform any of this live, nor am I designing it with the intent to sell out or even to create a marketable product. Hopefully, this will be seen as ironic because it is technically staying the most true to the recording art possible, by striving to create the best recording possible, without conforming it to the standard of preconceived expectations about what the genre sounds like or to the standard format of live metal instruments and playability.

No Regrets Yet

Attempt 3 – “No Regrets Yet”

Two very different approaches are often taken to the meaning of the phrase “no regrets”: either someone uses that phrase to describe how they are going to do something risky because they don’t want to regret not doing it, or they use that phrase to describe how they shouldn’t do something they might regret doing. They have the exact opposite meaning and yet “no regrets” becomes a weird sort of rallying cry for either side.

So it is written from the perspective of all the different sides involved, just to deliberately highlight the senselessness: the verses warn against doing something regretful, while the choruses are from the perspective of someone doing something regretful because they don’t want to regret not doing it. Once again, then, it is a lose-lose situation: either “held back my heart” (not doing it) or “lost my mind” (doing it).

[From Oh, Sleeper – The Siren’s Song: “She’s the touch that you want, the soft wet skin that haunts deep inside, a warmth that lies on a bed, she’s calling to you, taste the wine of her lips. Feel free to take this kiss. Just drink deep and forget the struggle in the battle you live.”]

[Looks like the original intention was to consider the prospect of two separate songs, one in a rock star sense with a rock star attitude mentality behind the phrase “no regrets,” and another with a more cautious long-term view behind the phrase “no regrets.” Based on an updated vision for music plans, avoiding the tendency to limit total quality content produced when ideas are overused in this way, as well as the more specific ideas of Passion and Vanity the album, these concepts were combined as conflicting views present within the same song, phrased as a deliberate contradiction.]

Some days all it takes is a taste to forget
The life you just left behind
And when the whisper of clarity calls
We turn and scream:

“We’ve got to look ahead where there’s nothing to lose
Live our lives like there’s no tomorrow
You can take the safest way out
But I won’t live with regret”

And still when desire consumes the weak mind
Temptation is left to sow
And we forget to fake our place
As the virtuous soul

Well maybe live and learn and grow and move on
Embrace your past but don’t make it an enemy
You can live the life of your fantasy
I won’t live with regret
(Yet)

Cause someday I’ll be coming home
And I don’t want to feel the shame
Of knowing I had held back my heart
Or knowing I had lost my mind

Look ahead where there’s nothing to lose
Live our lives like there’s no tomorrow
You can take the safest way out, but
I won’t live with regret
(Yet)

Burden Lost

11/17/13 – “Burden Lost”

This song explores the paradox we often find ourselves in when we struggle to conform to the standard method of nonconformity. Being a part of some counterculture or even listening to some inspiring speech can have a dangerous consequence of forcing yourself into groupthink even farther, because they have succeeded in convincing you that you are following your innermost passions and expressing individuality.

I think maybe it's time to stop blaming the TV or the people on the covers of magazines, or even to proclaim our own worth so boldly. If you bring a lion into your home, and it starts to attack you, you get rid of the lion. You don't argue with the lion, telling it that just because you're not as strong, it should value you all the same. No, the lion's opinion doesn't matter, and you treat it that way. But when you get a sense that some malicious entity to be labeled "society" has placed upon you some image, the solution is to get replace its value system with your own.

It is easy to argue with ideas passed down from your imaginary idea of what “society” is, whether that be because it was on TV or online or – now more likely – you heard some random person say it. (So what – “it’s always the loudest who voice only their ignorance.” ~Wovenwar) I would be an advocate of focusing on bettering yourself and those close to you rather than fighting that voice or that idea.

Perhaps that sounds cynical, as though I am saying there is no way to defeat the voice or idea coming down from “society.” No, I am saying that the voice or idea actually has no voice, that it is just a concept created within your own mind of a force you feel naturally inclined to either follow or resist. Instead, sometimes, much more progress can be made by making an impact in just one person’s life around you. Yes society can be changed, but it takes centuries. This album is about individual people along their journey. (“How can I change tomorrow if I can’t change today?” ~Hatebreed)

Alive but treated as dead
“Open your eyes,” they told me again
Condescending, humiliating, the voices of control
“Strengthen your heart,” they told me again to fight
Well I’m done trying to blame it all
On the things that’ll never change

Accept their fate or learn to resist
Well I’m done with running away from a faceless enemy
I’ll never listen and fail to question
I’ll never sit back again

“Trust in yourself,” they baited me too
I tried and failed to think for myself
I can’t complain, I never returned from the bliss they set me in
Call it destiny when it suits you, call it fortune when it fails you
Accept or resist, you don’t have to choose
You can save yourself
Reject it all
You don’t have to yield control

We’re not so helpless to leave it up to chance
And with all of your floating view of reality
We can look behind the curtain and see who has control

Remove the mask
I’ll never yield control to forces unspoken
Faceless, nameless

Breathe in the ashes of war
Taste just how lonely your own victory feels

Freedom alone is dark, cold and blue
But holding this burden is torture on you
All we want is out of our reach
But something’s changing

Accept their fate or learn to resist
Well I’m done with running away from a faceless enemy
I’ll never listen and fail to question
I’ll never sit back again

Now we see the illusion’s gone
With no voice, the burden is lost
Now we know we don’t have to choose
Never change and never submit

Suffocated by Security

10/02/17 - “Suffocated by Security”

This song explores the trade-off between freedom and security. It is a pretty big issue with ramifications in every field from a broad social setting (such as the NSA and sacrificing personal freedoms to combat terrorism) to an individual’s lifestyle (afraid to spend money or travel because they might cut into fiscal or physical security). But instead of trying to address any modern-day issue in particular, it focuses on the conflict within one’s own mind as they remember what it was like when they were younger and felt “more free” in some superficial, inexplicable way. The song is almost nostalgic in suggesting that times were better then, before revealing that we can still live like that: we can still enjoy a great deal of independence if we only allow ourselves to. If we instead spend all our time complaining about lack of freedom, maybe it might seem noble to you at the time, but you won’t actually get to enjoy it.

That may seem like a way of admitting defeat, but it is not saying that we have to accept loss of freedom, instead just bringing up the idea that it has to be a trade-off by definition; it cannot be pure 100% freedom or pure 100% security, so we have to make sure we understand exactly what it is we are fighting for.

It is usually a given to define “maturity” as “adulthood” or “integration into society” in such a way as to mean it makes us “complete.” Maybe, just maybe, the suppressed childish feelings we all have about wanting to be ourselves and take a stand and whatever are not actually childish or immature thoughts. Maybe that mentality is the only way to live with yourself, knowing what you know now.

Really? You think someone other than you, watching over you, cares about you?

A relic of the long gone hope from the adolescent mind
To live unbound and unopposed, a dream to live apart

There's nowhere to go
Can't we learn we'll never be alone
There's no way back out and you'll never be alone

Think like no one else would know
You'll run and you'll never come home
Suffocated by security
We will never be free

And now you think you're in too deep to feel unique again
A hubris of your own maturity, to think it means completion
But still can't we dream?
Don't you know you're never too far gone

Think like someone else could care
You're safe but you're not on your own
Suffocated by security
We will never be free

Do you feel whole?
You aren't too far gone
But you don't have to say what you don't mean
And you don't have to play like you don't care

Think like no one else would know
You'll run and you'll never come home
Suffocated by security
We will never be free

Show Me

07/09/18 – “Show Me”

Every now and then, we get challenged inexplicably by others who take it upon themselves to act like there is a competition in some social sense and they have to make sure everyone knows they’ve won. On the surface, this song explores the anger that comes out of that situation, since we never agreed to this competition, we are just trying to make it through the day. Ultimately, no one else really cares about how many points we are scoring. On another level, this songs explores a deeper rage that only comes out in extremely rare cases where we are actually accused of trying to attract attention and be the one winning this imaginary competition they just made up. Either way, saying yes or no, simply acknowledging the existence of their accusations feels like defeat.

Restricted to a single perspective of thought
All you see is a shadow in time
Lost in your thoughts
In your dreams

No one knows and no one cares for more than a brief moment
How you look in your own eyes
Don't you know that every claim we've ever tried to make
It's only in our own heads

Your precious gold and the titles you hold
All in vain and all insane
It's only in our own heads

Think you stand tall
On top of the world
Oh no
Wither away
With nothing around
To show

If I stay or if I go
Either way you've trapped us both
All inside your sadistic game
The wall falls down
Your mental crown
Let's see how much it's worth

Your confidence can't save you
Let's put it to the test

Tell me again that I am a fraud
Show me again what I have done wrong
Tell me, show me

Tell me I've claimed I'm something I'm not
Show me where I said I was a god
Tell me, show me

Show me where I've said anything less

It's not too late to come down
I'm not your enemy
But I can't keep holding back
And I'm not afraid to lose
Face to face or back to back
I'm forced to fight back now
Either way, at least one of us
Has to fall off their throne,
Sink into the earth

Tell me again that I am a fraud
Show me again what I have done wrong
Tell me, show me

Tell me I've claimed I'm something I'm not
Show me where I said I was a god
Tell me, show me

Think you stand tall
On top of the world
Oh no
Wither away
With nothing around
To show

Bury the Ashes

Attempt 1 – Bury the Ashes

Further expands on the idea brought up in “Together Apart” of a relationship not having a standard conclusion. It suggests that both may have done something wrong but does not really get into it or clarify exactly what that means. For example, maybe one person was being unfaithful, so the other person gets revenge, only to realize that does not satisfy anything and they are even emptier than before.

If there’s ever been a time for relief
A place to set your soul free
It’s here and it is now
Suffering

Suspended in torment
I can’t help but rethink,
“If you would have just stayed with me.”
Never will I seek
Forgiveness for my deed
Bury the ashes of you

So I continued with my life
With a shadow over my heart
It’s done but it’s all wrong
To move on

Suspended in torment
I can’t help but rethink,
“If you would have just stayed with me.”
Never will I seek
Forgiveness for my deed
Bury the ashes of you

You ignored the warning: don’t leave me, don’t leave me
The fire’s consumed – you cannot leave me, can’t leave me now

Our hearts were the same but I can’t ever explain
You’re done, I’m spent
My passion’s fulfilled but with emptiness opened
You’re still gone

Skipped second chorus:

Suspended in regret
I can’t stand loneliness
Why didn’t you just stay with me
Never will I break
Cause you deserved this fate
Bury the ashes of you

Old version: (not recorded)

If there’s ever been a time to regret
A place to break down humbly
It’s here and it is now
Before you

Suspended in torment
I can’t help but rethink
The beauty that we could have been
Never will I seek
Forgiveness for these words
Bury the ashes of grace

So we continue on our lives
With a shadow over our hearts
It’s done, but it’s all wrong
To move on

Suspended in torment
I can’t help but rethink
The beauty that we could have been
Never will I seek
Forgiveness for these words
Bury the ashes of grace

The hope inside has come and gone, now show me, just show me
The portrait we could have made, oh show me, just show me

All love’s the same and I’ll never complain
We’re done, we’re spent
The passion fulfilled and the emptiness opened
All for a lie